Dear Husband, Will You Listen to My Heart?

a letter to a husband who struggles with anger

Disclaimer: This letter does not excuse abusive behavior or suggest that a wife remain in immediate danger. If anyone is in such danger, relying on the church community, the leaders, and civil authorities becomes mandatory given that a person's life is in threat. This letter only addresses a husband's sinful anger destroying his life and family and calling for repentance in Christ.

Dear Husband,

I love you, but I want to get straight to the point.

If we were to blame one another, we would be blaming each other for all our lives. So, blaming each other is not the solution. I am willing to be reconciled because "marriage is honorable in all" is what the Word of God says.

Do you remember? We vowed before God, believers, and other people that we would remain faithful to each other. That is a big deal. Don’t we want to honor God in all that we do? I want to save my marriage for God's sake. I am not concerned about anyone else. Ultimately, I need to give an account to God when I stand before the judgment seat of God. I am not perfect, but I want to submit to Jesus because He is my Redeemer.

If you complain that I have so many mistakes in my life, yes, I do. I am sorry for the ways I have hurt you or misunderstood you. Please forgive me for that. I am willing to listen to you and mend my ways, making sure that my marriage is honorable before God.

But here are the challenges I am facing right now in having a God-honoring marriage.

Your anger is unpredictable. When you become angry, I am scared. When I am scared, it is extremely difficult to understand what you're saying, let alone agree with it. The consequences of your anger are affecting me in ways I cannot comprehend or communicate. I do the things you tell me to do, not because I love you, but because I am scared of you. I feel like I am walking on eggshells all the time.

Please put yourself in my shoes and think about my situation. If you become angry repeatedly, life becomes hard. Christ tells us that you cannot win the other person through dominance, only through love. Christ would never tell us to treat one's spouse like a carpet to trample upon. I guess the real challenge for you is not how much you can shout or scare me, but how much you fight the anger within your heart and overcome it. That is what Christ calls men to do. Christ has given His life for His bride, which is the church. I believe that a husband has an equal, if not greater, responsibility to make sure that his marriage is honorable before God and people because he is the head of the family.

I agree that our biggest problem, including mine, is that we are not submitting to Jesus. We are doing whatever our hearts say, or whatever our families say, or whatever the world says. It will not help us ultimately. Only Jesus can build our family; no one else.

Right now, we do not have anyone who will guide our lives spiritually. For this reason, we are constantly hurting each other. We need to submit to people who are spiritually mature and who will hold us accountable. Think about this. If we are not allowing mature brothers and sisters in the church to reach out to us, we will be left with our own wisdom to solve our problems. Unless you think we have all the wisdom in the world to solve all our problems, we don't need to seek help from anyone. But if our hearts are deceitful and self-justifying, don't we need help from God? And don't you agree that God speaks through His church? I am looking for someone who is walking with Christ and can help us go to Jesus because only Jesus can repair our hearts.

I have my own blind spots that I cannot see. I need to rectify those. I need God's help in this. Would you join me in this journey? Please. I am willing to submit to God's instruction.

I am thinking about a permanent solution. I have every hope in Jesus because He says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matt. 11:28–29).

Come, my dear husband. Let us seek rest, peace, and counsel from Jesus. He will give rest to our restless hearts.

Please pray and think before you respond.

With love,

Your wife. ur Wife