
believers to know what scriptures to use in correcting their children?" As I thought about this question as a parent and a seasoned believer, I was deeply moved as I remembered where the Lord had brought me from a sinner on her way to hell, who hated God. The amount of grace the Lord has extended to me is incomprehensible. I was raised as a Catholic and fulfilled the “age-appropriate sacraments”; yet beyond observing these traditions we were not practicing members of the Catholic Church.
My parents did not attend church, but my mother would drop me off for catechism class, and I don’t remember any of it. Nevertheless, I was the most religious person in our home. Although I did not frequent church, there were times when I would go before a mass service and ask God to help me not do what I was going to do. Then I would come home feeling miserable because the desire to live differently was not there. Why is any of this background information important? It provides context as to the foundation on which my life was built. I did not know what being raised in a Christian home should look like, and I did not think about it, since I did not know there was such a thing.
Needless to say, when I was born again at the age of nineteen, my parents thought I
was crazy and that I had joined a cult. They constantly made comments about me
being brainwashed because l had become a believer. They hated that I no longer
wanted to go out and participate with them in certain activities. I honestly did not want
to have anything to do with my parents or my family because I hated who I had been.
Truly, the Lord separated me for Himself. As a new believer, I repented and believed,
yet I still felt so dirty. I wanted to believe that the Lord had forgiven me, but I just
couldn’t understand how this could be. At the same time, I was so joyful because somebody loved me when I felt so unlovable. He even called me His own.
Within a couple of months of my conversion, I met a young man who would later
become my husband. He too was a recent convert. When I had my first child at twenty,
I had no earthly idea what being a Christian parent would be like - let alone raising a
child in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Given my backstory, it should be clear
why I could not ask my parents for godly counsel regarding parenting. I have since learned that the following are things for a Christian parent to consider:
1. Parenting by Faith
Do you have an understanding of what your sin nature is and a grasp of what the gospel is?
Romans 3:23-26 (ESV) tells us, " for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and
are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. 26 It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.”
Verses 23-24 help us assess our understanding of grace and why we need our Savior, Jesus
Christ. It is through the redeeming work of the Cross that we are regenerated, justified,
sanctified, and ultimately glorified in and through Him. This is so encouraging for us parents, as we see that it is only by God’s grace that our children are saved. We cannot parent our children in Christ without Him (John 15:5). This removes the heavy weight we feel as parents – i.e. that we are responsible for the salvation of our children (Psalm 3:8, Revelation 7:10).
Understand Your Role as a Parent
Are you alert to the temptations of wanting to train your children in your ways or according to your understanding, rather than in the ways of the Lord? “And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 NASB). What is your understanding of sin and how the Lord corrects us as His children through sanctification by the Holy Spirit? Seek to be aware of areas of sin in your own life that might negatively impact your disciplining of your child when your child is not following these instructions: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3). Consider the unbiblical ideas and attitudes you may have learned from your parents and your culture:
You do what I say. I’m the parent. Children are to be seen, not heard. This is none of your
business. You better act right. Don’t make me look bad. You better listen to me. It doesn’t
matter what you say. I’m in charge.
We are to examine our hearts as parents according to the word of God that we claim to be
accountable to. We train our children to obey the word of God as we are trained by it.
3. The Word of God is Sufficient.
God’s word directs us to the Gospel of Jesus Christ as sufficient. I would encourage you to use the Gospel – and the Word generally - as much as possible for teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness (2 Tim. 3:16). God’s word directs us as we lead our children to know how the Lord commands us to train them up in the way (His way) they should go (Proverbs 22:6). We walk in His wisdom with the understanding that this does not secure a child's salvation (1 Tim. 4:7). Be encouraged by Romans 8:28: “God works all things together for the good of those that love God and are called according to His purpose.”
We are all commanded to obey and instruct our children to obey, Matthew 22:37-38: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." This is the great and first commandment”. More generally, John 14:20 says, "In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him."All of Proverbs is helpful for Christian parenting. Paul Washer has produced a great Proverbs curriculum that goes through the book of Proverbs (https://youtu.be/Iw4Tgz2yNIo).
4. PRAY, PRAY, AND PRAY!
Most importantly, we are to depend on God for the parenting of our children in the faith. Let our children see us seek forgiveness from God, especially when we visibly sin in front of them by responding in a way that is not pleasing to the Lord. Perhaps you are demonstrating a bad attitude, you lied about something, you yelled at your children, or you gossiped about a brother or sister. Ask the Lord to direct you according to His word. Be an example to your children of constant communication with the Lord for every need and decision. Show them that God is Emmanuel, God with us. Ask the Lord for parenting grace as you work out your salvation with fear and trembling.
In conclusion, wouldn’t it be great if we could all come from a very loving home where
there is no sin? For now, we are sinful people who live in a fallen world. One day we
will see the Lord face to face as He is. Do not lose heart, parent! I came from a toxic
upbringing with no biblical truth, yet the Lord in His grace and mercy has given beauty
to ashes. I have learned of God’s sovereignty and have experienced how He
preserves His Church. Becoming a born-again believer and raising my children with a
very weak understanding of my salvation and my role as a wife and parent, I surely did
not influence my children to grow in love with the Lord. I had been deceived into believing
that engulfing them with going to church and saturating them with church lingo was
enough. I thought not hitting them as part of discipline or not cursing at them was
enough. I thought not exposing them to sexual immorality and isolating them from them
was enough. But all of those things were external and futile of themselves. May
our desire for our children be the same as our desire for ourselves: to know Him in
repentance and faith; to grow in our understanding of the greatness and goodness of
God; to know the hope that is found only in Christ: that our sins are many, but His
mercy is more; to know we were created in the image of God and that, as is stated in
the Westminster Catechism, “the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him
forever” (1 Corinthians 10:31 (ESV): " So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do,
do all to the glory of God." Soli Deo Gloria!
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