Have you ever thought about why you think the way you do? Have you noticed that from time to time we "ride our hobby horses"? If we pay careful attention to our thoughts, you will notice that they fall into certain categories. Believe it or not, our thoughts have patterns. When these patterns are repeated and implemented, they form our beliefs about ourselves, God, and the world.
Our beliefs are formed based on what we see, hear, and perceive. But because of the broken nature of our hearts and the fallen world we live in, much of what we hear, see, and perceive about God and ourselves are lies. The reality of brokenness within and outside our hearts warps our thinking, feeling, and decision-making processes. Instead of viewing God as our heavenly Father, we see Him as a cruel dictator. On the other hand, we view ourselves as worthless, hopeless, and helpless creatures doomed to destruction. In the context of porn addiction, though there are physiological, psychological and circumstantial reasons, these two lies often dominate a person's thinking. In this article, I want to address why believing the truth is essential in the fight against porn.
God is a Hard Taskmaster
Those addicted to porn may not be sure if God will ever forgive them. Regular consumption of porn warps their understanding of who God is and their identity before Him. The more you worship something, the more you become like what you worship (Psalm 115:8). In their thinking, God may be a harsh judge—just waiting to see them commit a sin and then explode in anger. They might argue within themselves, “Look at what God did to unfaithful Israel; He literally obliterated them. He gave them numerous opportunities to repent, but when they refused, He destroyed them.” A porn addict may think, “I am like Israel. I know I am not supposed to watch porn, but I did it last night. It's the 100th time I've done it. I do not have the resolve. I am only worthy of punishment. God is patient, but He cannot be patient forever. It is only a matter of time before God destroys me.”
I am Worthless
In his book Shame Interrupted, Ed Welch discusses what happened to Holocaust prisoners during World War II. To dehumanize Jews, the Nazis sometimes played mental games. They would constantly call every Jew “excrement.” [1] If you were a Jewish prisoner, that is what you would hear constantly. When someone repeats something over and over, you begin to believe it is true. So, after years of indoctrination, the prisoner might think, “Maybe I am excrement. I am worthless. I am disgusting.”
What the Nazis did to the Jews is similar to what porn does. Feelings of worthlessness are an almost inevitable consequence of watching porn. One person described his struggle this way: “After I have watched porn, I feel like banging my head against the wall. I just hate myself. I cannot believe what I have done. I cannot believe how a holy God could receive me. I am a sinner beyond repair and redemption.”
If watching sexual intercourse on a computer is someone’s only source of redemption, fulfillment, and satisfaction, they are sabotaging all channels of their cognition, affection, and volition. As a result, they have difficulty understanding the true nature of who God is and who they are.
Lies Leading to More Wretchedness
What is a lie? It is a misrepresentation of truth. To put it succinctly, truth sets us free, whereas lies are destructive (John 8:31–33). When someone trusts in a lie, there is a deep-seated belief that it gives them true satisfaction, security, and redemption. Whether one believes in truth or falsehood, there is trust involved—an idea akin to a child trusting his father or a kidnapper (John 3:16; Proverbs 7:22–27). Whether trust happens over a prolonged period or haphazardly, it is a conscious decision-making process that involves one’s thinking. With addictions, lies rule one’s life. When someone trusts lies, they bypass the thinking process and are pushed toward the forbidden thing—be it porn, drugs, or alcohol—and the end result is unending self-inflicted suffering. As Ed Welch calls it, addictions are “A Banquet in the Grave.”[2]
Uncovering Lies
The tricky thing about these lies is that there is a grain of truth in most of them. But partial truth is no truth at all. Yes, God hates sin. He cannot tolerate it. And He must punish the sinner according to His infinite justice. But if anyone is obsessed only with God being a punisher, they do not know who God is. The Psalmist approaches God as a loving and caring Father whose love is immeasurable, surpassing the vastness of the heavens and the distance from east to west (Psalm 103:12–13).
Yes, there is a tension between God being holy, who cannot tolerate sin, and Him being a compassionate Father. But in His infinite wisdom, He resolved this tension on the cross of Calvary (Rom3:26). The cross of Jesus Christ is where God’s justice and love intersected. God poured His wrath on His only begotten Son so that whoever believes in Jesus will not be punished. My friend, if you just come as you are and be honest before God, He will lay all your sins—including the sins of your porn use—on Jesus Christ, and you will be cleansed. Can you believe it? What will it take to convince you? Can you see the cross of Calvary, even in the distance? Come to Jesus. If you think you can’t come, you know what? He comes to you. Jesus Christ died for you when you were his enemy, now that he has made you his brother through faith, do you think he is going to abandon you? [3] Absolutely not!
If you think you’re worthless, you need to remember this: God made you in His image. You are valuable in God’s sight. God does not see you as worthless. God loves you so much that He sent His Son Jesus into this world (John 3:16). If you trust in Jesus, He sees you as He would see Jesus. Period. Though the love of God is not a license to watch porn, your sins do not alter the value of Jesus’ sacrifice and resurrection. Your ever-fluctuating feelings of shame and guilt cannot affect the permanence of Christ’s atonement and resurrection. We will learn more about this in my future article. But for now, rest in Christ—He gives rest to the weary and cleanses the unclean.
Pray this Prayer
" Our Father in heaven, I come to just as I am,
I bring you nothing except my sin.
The more I look into myself, the more I despair surrounds me.
I am a poor and a needy sinner.
But my hope is built nothing less than the blood of Jesus.
Would you please cleanse in the blood of Jesus?
Would please shine your light on me?
Cast away the darkness in my soul.
May your steadfast and unchangeable love be my refuge.
Look upon me for the sake of your Son Jesus Christ.
He only is my rock and my redeemer.
Christ is my only hope in life and death.
In his name, I pray. Amen!."
Practical Advice
Be honest with your feelings of shame and guilt before God.
Do not make your feelings the foundation of your salvation, but rather Christ’s atonement and resurrection.
If you are struggling with porn, you’re not alone. Take a step of faith and talk to your pastor and seek counseling.
Do not isolate yourself. Enjoy the beauty of Christian fellowship.
Try to build a relationship with a mature brother (if you’re a man) or sister (if you’re a woman) and be honest with him/her. The goal is not condemnation but life-saving transformation through the gospel.
Learn to thank the Lord for small victories. If you didn’t watch porn for a week, that is a victory. Be thankful to God.
Begin to appreciate the beauty in the world—be it music, a landscape, a novel, coffee, sports, etc. Though they are not the ultimate source of satisfaction, there is much good in doing normal things.
Try to enjoy reading the Word. Sometimes it can just be a couple of verses. But try to meditate on them. Try to extract the sweetness from those verses. Seek the Holy Spirit’s help.
When you pray, try to pray aloud. Even if you’re distracted, it’s okay. Remember, God is our heavenly Father.
By all means, do not miss Sunday services. When the services are over, do not disappear but stick around and say hello! There are people who want to get to know you better.
Enjoy the ordinance of the Lord’s Supper. Gaze at the bread—it is a reminder that Christ’s body was broken for you. And look at the wine. It is Christ’s blood shed for you. What more do you need to see His love?
[1]Edward T. Welch, Shame Interrupted (Greensboro: New Growth Press, 2012), 33–34.
[2]Edward T. Welch, Addictions - A Banquest in the Grave ( P&R Publishing, 2001).
[3]Dane C. Ortlund, Deeper (Wheaton: Crossway, 2021), 30.
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